Do you desire me Or tolerate me?

I will get what I need, one way or another

Desire- to strongly wish for or want (something). If you have children, have you ever had your child act out in a negative way, just to get your attention? (picture the cartoon clip of Stewie Griffin, mom, mom, mom, mother, Lois….what?? Hi) He didn’t need his mothers attention, he desired his mothers attention. Or maybe if you have a pet (dog), have you ever had that pet come up and continually drop their toy at your feet, pick it up, look at you, drop the toy at your feet again? It is the nature of living things, rather people or animal, want to be desired in a relationship rather than tolerated.

I can remember as a small child, my brother and sister (both older and by default, making me the baby and obviously my parents favorite:) they would quite often meet the end of a switch, paddle, belt (honestly whatever my 5 foot tall mother could get in her hand. No, she wasn’t abusive) and she would tell them, “I am doing this because I love you…” Well, I surmised that if I wasn’t getting corrected or disciplined at the time, that she did not love me. So, as my siblings were getting their almost daily “correction”, I told my mom, “you never correct me; you don’t love me….” Well, without even missing a beat, she quickly picked me up, and applied the pressure of the object she was holding, against my backside and said, “now, do you think I love you.” I learned a valuable lesson that day!!!!!!! Love can be present without the pain:)

Current day, one of the tasks of the job that I hold, I am often asked to counsel individuals for a number of reasons ranging from, well you name it….. And I am finding out that in probably 90% of all cases, at the bottom or the root of the issue, is a person in any relationship wanting to be desired, not just tolerated.

I am learning, that a lot of infidelities begin because of a lack of desire from their spouse. (Now, I am not saying that if you are not getting the attention you deserve from your husband or wife, that you have an excuse to have an illicit affair), but what I am saying is a lot of the infidelities could be stopped before they ever get started, by simply showing your spouse that you do not just tolerate them, but you desire them. (And Not just physically)

I have watched as really good hearted children, go down the wrong path, seeking attention from their parents, (that not on purpose), but having to work two and three jobs to support the family; they just did not have enough time to spend the much needed time with their children. (Don’t judge them, there aren’t enough hours in a day, for single moms working two jobs or a dad with a sick wife..) So we find ourselves, in the quandary of supporting our family financially vs. supporting them emotionally. We want to let our children know, we do not just tolerate you, but we celebrate you.

I guess what I am saying today, in any relationship, rather your spouse, your bff, or your pet, make sure that in every relationship, they know that you have a desire for them to be in your life. That you do not just tolerate them out of [have to], but you desire them out of [want to].

Make a concerted effort today to write a note, send flowers, or just time at a swing set (even 5 minutes) write on the mirror with your lipstick before you leave for work. Sometimes, it is the smallest, non-time-consuming actions that mean the most.
Your time will always matter more than your money.


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